


War

by wordsgo_here



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, mentions of Cordelia and Sumia, seriously the awakening kids have to have massive trauma after fighting in 3 wars, shipping is light but there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsgo_here/pseuds/wordsgo_here
Summary: If war is all you've ever known, how will you know when it's alright to rest?
Relationships: Camilla/Luna | Selena
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	War

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a character study, but also very indulgent.

Severa had once overheard her mother say that she only looked truly confident on a battlefield.

Severa rarely shared that fact with anyone. She had an image to maintain, after all. She only ever told her two closest friends and the love of her life.

It had been during her second war, the one that they eventually won. Severa had gone to see her mother in between chores, hoping to ask her for more lance training without instigating an argument. It wasn't a realistic hope, Severa lacked the self restraint to hold her tongue in her mother's presence. Of course, Severa realized that she just lacked, that was the main problem. It didn't matter what it was she was doing.

That made holding back even harder.

"I just worry for her."

It didn't take a genius to realize who Cordelia was talking about. She only ever worried about Chrom and her failure daughter.

"If we win, no, when we win this war, what will she do? I want to give her a home, but she's never known peace."

"It's the same for all our children though." Sumia's voice slipped out of the tent's gaps. "We just have to work at it, and teach them what peace is like."

"No, I- it's not the same. The other children, they have things other than swords to hold. To truly have past all the fighting. Dreams, skills, f-futures…Severa…My Severa only has her sword. She only ever looks confident, truly confident and comfortable on the battlefield. I love my daughter but I-...I took that from her. I failed her..."

"You can't talk like that! Severa has a future! She has us, and all her friends. She can be anything she wants to! And, and, if she can't give up her sword, mercenary work isn't bad. She'd be helping people! None of our children are destined for war, Cordelia. This time, we'll protect them from that."

Sumia was wrong. Severa was destined for war. Her mother's words echoed in her mind when she, Owain, and Inigo were asked to join another war. To slay another dragon. To save another world. Something cracked in her that day, Severa was sure of it. 

She wasn't allowed to rest. 

Severa was destined for war.

She wasn't allowed to run away.

Selena was destined for war.

She didn't need to be protected. She didn't need peace. Selena was a fighter. The best at fighting. The best at winning. The best at killing.

Her Lady pointed at what needed to die and Selena delivered. She had a new mission, she had new devotions. There was still a path forward for her.

She never needed reassurance.

She leaned into Camilla's touch. Something in her heart solidifying as Camilla brushed blood from her cheek and praised her.

She never needed rest.

She pushed further and further on the battlefield, making a path for her Lady and her comrades. Pain meant nothing. Exhaustion meant. Exhaustion meant.

Exhaustion just meant she would die. Was that resting?

She never needed mercy.

A battle trance was familiar to her. Move, slash, duck, stab, move, go, go, go, go. One foot before the other. Push through. One, down. One, two, down. More, move, go. For the future, for this world. 

For your purpose.

For your liege.

Kill, cripple, bite, claw, go, go, rip through your enemy until you yourself are torn apart. No matter the field, no matter the enemy. Push forward, as a soldier does. It doesn't matter what's left, the war must be won.

It doesn't matter that your world is gone. It doesn't matter that your family is gone. It doesn't matter if your comrades die. It doesn't matter if you die.

The war must be won.

Selena survived the war. 

They won.

Severa survived Nohr.

Severa was not allowed to rest. Selena continued her work.

The war ended with another dragon dead. She had won two wars and survived three. She couldn't help but wonder where the fourth was waiting for her.

Selena kept waiting. Day after day, peace reigned. Nohr rebuilt. Selena was kept busy, but her mind ever wavered to that fourth war, waiting for her.

She trained. Maintained her skills. Struck and struck and struck and struck and struck. Until nothing stood before her. Until her hands lost feeling. Until her limbs grew heavy. Until she could finally, finally, rest.

Lady Camilla forbade it, after a while. Her gaze forceful enough to cow Selena when she tried to argue. It was affecting her health, so they said. The war is over, so they said. It's time to rest.

The war was over, but then why did her hands shake when she was stripped of her sword? 

Why did thin clothes feel more suffocating then any armor could possibly be?

Every clink of metal, every too heavy foot step, every movement from her peripheral, all of it, enemies, soldiers, monsters.

Selena never disobeyed Camilla before. She prided herself on it.

But she needed her sword.

She needed the weight in her hands.

She needed to swing and slash and stab until the shaking stopped. Until her body felt heavier then her clothes. Until she could not see, until she could not hear. Until she could rest.

It was the only way she knew how.

-/-

"Selena. Selena! Selena!!!"

Her sword fell from her numb fingers. Warm hands filled them.

"Hey, Selena, can you look at me?" Odin lightly massaged her palms. "Selena?…Severa?"

Selena's head jerked up, a fire flaring in her before being quickly snuffed out by the ache and heaviness of her limbs. "Don't! Don't..."

"Ok, ok," Odin shared a look with Laslow before throwing his cloak over Selena. "Can you walk? Hold onto me."

Listless, Selena slouched heavily into his side. He matched her staggered steps, gently prodding her in the direction of a secluded corner of the training arena. They could rest for a moment there before taking Selena to her quarters. Laslow would have to clean up and hide the ravaged training dummies and broken swords before anyone else could see.

"Fuck."

Odin tensed hearing Laslow curse. He never cursed, not even in the heat of battle. A chill ran over him, his breath catching before he even knew what the threat was. 

"Laslow, inform my brother that I will be absent for dinner."

Fuck. Odin heard Laslow stutter affirmative before dashing off. Lucky him, Odin had a feeling he wouldn't be let off so lightly.

"Odin."

He nodded, forcing himself to turn and face possible dismemberment. "At your service, Lady Camilla."

He winced when his voice cracked. Of all the Nohrian royals, none inspired fear like Camilla. Her face reflected none of the motherly warm she so often offered to her family. Her eyes were narrow and cold, regarding Odin and her retainer with a clinical gaze. As much as he wanted to shield Selena from any prying eyes before she could recover, he had no choice but to let Camilla take her into her arms. 

It showed just how out of it Selena was when she didn't protest or even make a sound when Camilla picked her up. She was still conscious, from what Odin could see, but seemed closer and closer to passing out with every moment. 

"Come, you will accompany me to my chambers." Camilla strode off without another word, Selena tucked close to her chest.

Odin scrambled to follow, every step convincing him that he was walking to his doom. How funny, he faced two fell dragons with courage. Perhaps peace made him soft, to be so afraid of one woman. 

But, perhaps not. It hadn't been uncommon, before the war, to hear stories of Camilla's wrath, both on and off the battlefield. The princess was ruthless, cutting down those who threatened her family without a second thought. He had seen himself, how Camilla had casually killed a maid in broad daylight. She had unwittingly carried a poisoned drink to the crown prince. The real assassin was found quickly later, and left alive for Camilla to vent the rest of her grievances with. Niles had told him there were plenty of reasons for Camilla's behavior, but it still chilled Odin to see such casual murder.

He hoped peace had made Camilla soft too.

It was quite the trek to Camilla's quarters, deep within the castle. Odin hoped they would drop Selena off in her room, as it was on the way, but Camilla strode past both her retainers residences without hesitation. 

Once there, the princess laid Selena on her bed, perching herself delicately right next to her. She briefly motioned for Odin to enter deeper into the room before turning to fuss with Selena's hair.

Selena looked to be asleep, allowing Camilla to let down her hair without the usual filibuster. After her episode earlier, Odin wished that Camilla would call for a healer, just in case.

"I had assumed," Camilla began, slowly, "that once the war ended, you three would dispense with your secrets."

Odin felt his throat tighten. They had discussed it, coming clean, explaining their history and how they were brought to this world. But in the end, all three of them had decided that it was too much trouble. It was a fantastical story to begin with, getting people to believe them would be way harder than telling them. It was best just to continue on as they were and play dumb with their past. "Secrets, milady?"

Playing dumb with Camilla was, perhaps, a poor choice. Arcane fire flared on her free hand as a glare fixed him in place. "Yes, Odin. Should we start with your real name? Which one are you, Owain or Inigo?"

"Owain, ma'am." Odin swallowed hard around the words. She knew. They weren't the best at hiding their identities, they weren't spies after all. They tried, but in the beginning, switching names had been hard. Now, it was more strange to be called by his birth name. 

Leo was going to be so mad at him if he ended up a burnt stain on his sister's floor without explaining anything to him.

"Very good." The magic fire dispersed, though Camilla's expression didn't change. "Now, explain everything to me."

-/-

By the end of it, Camilla was still unsatisfied. Odin provided answers, though his story was still vague, but those answers did little to calm her. Her Selena was still trying to work herself to death and why? Because she had been through three wars? Because she had picked up a sword as a child and had scarcely a moment to set it down?

In a way, Camilla could relate. It was rare to find someone who walked knee deep in blood from such a young age. Her and Xander worked hard to make sure their younger siblings didn't have to, even as the blood grew deeper and deeper. There were some things an older sister must do to protect her family.

Peace was difficult, for a lot of them. Restlessness grew and took root in an idle heart. Anyone, even a civilian, would have trouble sitting for a day after marching for years. Time spent idle felt like time wasted. 

After dismissing Odin, Camilla washed Selena down, changing her worn training leathers out for a simple sleeping gown. The young woman stayed asleep through it all, too exhausted to even make a sound.

"Three wars, hm?"

Camilla could scarcely imagine it. Her life was filled with blood, yes, but it was the blood of assassinations, politics, and only recently of full out war. Odin had told her that their homeland had lost the war before they could even really enter it. That those children armed themselves for a losing battle and had only survived by a literal miracle. 

It struck Camilla that she didn't know how old Selena was. It wasn't a concern, before. Beruka didn't know her age and Selena had never offered hers. Selena didn't offer any information about herself, just her life and her service.

Camilla knew her name, her real name. Severa. She knew her hair color was not the one she was born with. Camilla knew that Selena clung to praise. She knew that Selena was hers.

All things that could be inferred, just by watching Selena. The poor thing was terrible at being honest, but that in and of itself was honest. She was a terrible liar, much too passionate for falsehoods. Camilla loved that about her.

Camilla loved many things about her. And knowing that Selena was being torn apart by peace ripped a hole in her heart. 

"Selena. My Selena…" Her darling, passionate warrior. Camilla cradled her close, her anger over being disobeyed fading quickly in a wave of affection. She had told Selena earlier in the week she was not to pick up a sword unless Camilla allowed her to. Her self destructive behaviors were coming to a head and it was only getting worse. Forcing her to stop had seemed like the most effective course of action.

Selena had never disobeyed her before, so Camilla could only assume that she was wrong, for once. She had to do better for her darling girl. 

"If you want a battlefield, I will always provide you one." Camilla murmured low, kissing Selena's temple. "You may fight for me. You may kill for me. I will stay by your side through it all. And if you tire, I will be ever at the ready to catch you. I am your home, Selena. The only home you have."

**Author's Note:**

> Might do a m-rated follow up, but no promises.


End file.
